My job ended on Tuesday. I am not employed. And the fear is grabbing me by the ankle and dragging me underwater every few minutes.

So I’m starting small. I’m forgiving myself for having been ill for three weeks. I am doing basic admin, I am spending time with the people I love, and I am proofreading a chapter here and there.

I know that once I figure out how to ignite this fear and burn it for fuel, I am going to be unstoppable.

I know that this time, this time that I’ve worked so bloody hard to earn, is sacred. And I know that I will do it justice.

So today I am going to hug a lot of people and several dogs, and then my little sister (who has in fact been taller than me since I was two) is coming to show me how to Tiktok.

I’m gonna be okay.

…I just need someone to remind me that every forty seconds for the next six months.